


beginnings (or, the one in which you remember how to breathe)

by sincerelylux



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 16:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18167258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelylux/pseuds/sincerelylux
Summary: You hear loud laughter and look up from your spot in the library, gripping your iced coffee in one hand and holding your spot in your book with the other.“Oi! Shittykawa! That’s not fucking funny.”And then you see the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your entire life.You are young and eighteen and just for a second, remember how to breathe.





	beginnings (or, the one in which you remember how to breathe)

a friend who dies

its something of you

who dies

|gustave flaubert| 

 

Of course it all starts and ends with your death. 

 

The first time you die you are young and seventeen and have never known loss until it was too late. You lose yourself on a day where the sun in shining and butterflies are finally lose in the garden. 

 

All you remember is a black and white tile floor, the cold touch of a locked bathroom door, and the overheating of your body as you desperately try to slam the door open and when it finally does, the prophecy has been fulfilled. 

 

You die at seventeen along with your closest friend who overdoses in the bathroom. 

 

\-- 

 

You are still young and seventeen when you wear all black and watch as a white coffin with pastel pink flowers is lowered into a clean-cut grave. You are eighteen as you watch people with shovels bury your dearest, best friend. 

 

You are seventeen when you forget how to breathe. 

 

\-- 

 

You are young and seventeen when you stay awake until you see your room dye a different color with the morning color, having not even slept in the time lapse of night and day. 

 

You are young and seventeen and you stare at the ceiling at 4 a.m., wondering what happens to people when they die. 

 

\--

 

Your birthday comes and goes with the summer and ever so numbly, the days to the start of university are limited. You pack robotically, and the job is done late in the evening. You eat what your mother cooks, before scooting back your chair to leave the dining room. 

 

“Sweetie,” you hear your mother say. You turn to her on instinct to be met with her pitying gaze. “She wouldn’t want you to be like this.” 

 

Without saying a word, you exit the room and go immediately to the bathroom, throwing up all of your contents. 

 

You stare down at the cold blue tile beneath you, and hear the anxious knocking of your mother outside the door asking if you were alright.

 

“I’m fine,” you answer, like you have been for months. 

 

You looked at yourself in the gigantic mirror mounted on the wall of the bathroom, noting your thin frame and dark circles under your eyes.

 

You are young and eighteen and you know a piece of you died along with your friend. 

 

\--

 

You have been in university for around two months now, and have heard the talk of Oikawa Tooru countless times despite never having seen the young man yourself. In another life, you bitterly think, he’s the kind of person you would have made fun of alongside -- 

 

_ No.  _

 

You had long stopped wishing to be in another lifetime. You had long stopped hoping that this was all an awful dream you would be woke from by a kind smile and a caring touch and whisper of, “Come on, (First Name), we’re gonna be late for school if you don’t get up.” 

 

Whoever this Oikawa Tooru was, you were sure he had a rotten heart. People who had that many people in love with them often turned out to be less than stellar in your opinion, and you knew his fraternity well enough to know they were all idiots. Being the chapter president made him an even bigger one. 

 

You hear loud laughter and look up from your spot in the library, gripping your iced coffee in one hand and holding your spot in your book with the other. 

 

“Oi! Shittykawa! That’s not fucking funny.” 

 

And then you see the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your entire life. 

 

You are young and eighteen and just for a second, remember how to breathe.

 

 


End file.
